On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of tree ornaments between us. Kit, now living on her own, wanted to decorate her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments brought back memories of loss and grief for children no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over eight years, we welcomed and said goodbye to 23 foster children. Many placements were temporary, and our two children were adopted during this time. I was amazed that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even from makers she never met. It was surprising to find out that her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I uncovered a tree topper from our first Christmas together as newlyweds, I noticed the crack along the angel’s wings. Despite being held together by Krazy Glue, our marriage did not withstand the test of time. I offered the angel to Kit, unsure if she would want it due to its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted it.
Kit recalled how she always wanted to be the one to place the angel on top of the tree but felt too small. We shared a laugh, realizing she had grown enough to reach the top now. The angel found its new home with Kit.
Opening another box, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament made by an eight-year-old boy we fostered at a Christmas party. Memories of the boy and the court’s decision to not make him a permanent ward flooded my mind. Kit sensed my emotions and took the ornament, reminiscing about how he used to play with it under the tree.
Our family made sure to include our foster children in our Christmas celebrations by adjusting the timing of our family dinner so they could be with their families on Christmas. We also started a tradition of giving each child a unique ornament to keep. When they left our home, they could choose to leave the ornament with us or take it as a keepsake.
I uncovered a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and ribbon, reminding me of my son’s quirky nickname for them. Reflecting on past divisions of ornaments during my divorce, I realized the impact these ornaments had on my children.
This year’s tree decorating will be different as I see my daughter’s joyous perspective overshadowing any lingering sadness. I look forward to seeing her tree and the new memories it will hold.